From time to time, someone will reach out to me and ask what is going on with my search for a ministry position, if I plan to start a church, etc.
I have to be honest: Sunday is normally the most difficult day of the week for me. Even though I love going to church, every time I show up on the other side of the pulpit is a reminder of a life and calling that I find myself sorely missing at this stage of my journey.
I miss not being able to preach on a regular basis. I miss being part of a creative team for planning worship gatherings. I miss having the privilege to shepherd and lead as a vocation.
For whatever reason, the Lord has not seen fit to open a vocational ministry door for me still. I wish I could say I was okay with this, but I really miss having the opportunity to pour all of my work time into ministry and discipleship efforts. My passion for ministry projects is only able to be pursued with my "leftover" time, which just flat-out sucks.
One great lesson that has come to mind through this two year process is not to be wrapped up in what you do, but in who you are. God has used this journey in a very fruitful way regardless of whether I have liked it or not. My relationship roots are deeper, my resolve is stronger, my passion is greater, and you might knock me down but don't count on knocking me out!!! This has all come to fruition due to the fact that God has not allowed me to hide behind the accomplishments of a job to build myself and my ego up. I am only who I am because of His grace and His design. I am special, valued, and most importantly, unconditionally accepted and embraced by the True God.
This is one of those days that I needed to be reminded of the Lord's passion and love for me, whether I am ever a vocational pastor again or not!
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